My Selfishness and ADD Forecasts A Great 2012!

It’s a little over six hours until midnight and I’m still fat, just like I was at this same time last year. I want to make a New Years resolution to lose weight, get more organized, stop bullshitting and get my act together, but I’m tired of useless proclamations. So this year, I have decided to do something different based on “self discovery”. When 12 midnight hits, I’m going to have a drink with my husband, cut the lights out, lie on the floor until about 2am (I live in Detroit and there are still a few ignorant bastards that celebrate with gunfire, so the floor is the best place) and watch the Brain Melter (commonly known as television) until I fall asleep. That’s it. No promises, no expectations, no hopes of miraculous intervention. I will continue with life as usual.

Now, I know that not planning and hoping for something different and better sounds a bit bleak, but here’s my twisted philosophy. Everything that I have coming to me will come. Anything that I’m going to lose, I will surely lose. Anything that I need to change, I will change, when its time. Making resolutions and stressing  yourself out about them could kill you a lot faster than 50 or 60 pounds, and not to mention it burdens the hell out of co-workers who have to listen to you beat yourself up day in and day out. Luckily I work alone, so I would only have my husband to burden, but I’m sure he doesn’t want to hear that either.

I used to be the first person to say what my resolution was and get really excited about keeping it. By mid January, I was back at my old habits, and the only thing that changed about me was that I walked around with footprints on my pants from kicking myself in the ass. That wasn’t too long ago. Now, I know so much more about myself than I did back then. I have ADD, I’m a bit selfish, I work in spurts, I’m highly creative, I consider myself a philosopher, I cherish innocence and would watch Spongebob all day long if I could. And a partridge in a pear tree. Knowing who I am allows me to be ok with where I am in life. Because of my ADD (which is self diagnosed by the way) I know that I will allow myself to have the variety that I need to keep me happy. My creativity will push me to venture out, take risks and birth something incredible. My selfishness won’t allow me to let others take advantage of me or harm me in any way. The fact that I work in spurts disallows me to get to wrapped up in work and not have time for the things that matter to me. Because I am a philosopher, I will always strive to add purpose and depth to whatever I do and my addiction to innocence keeps me away from the evils of life that taint people with my creativity level. Having Spongebob as my personal comedian is the icing on my cake! My traits and characteristics determine how this year will turn out for me, not some half ass list of unrealistic goals heavily influenced by social pressures and all those Weight Watchers commercials featuring Jennifer Hudson. I refuse to play into the system this year. What about you? Care to join me?